I skip my heart beatS for you

The truth is, when you get to call someone love of your life, that is the only one that is able to make you completely happy. Even though you've already said the opposite or made it seems you didn't believe anymore. A shame is being apart.

The Time Traveler's Wife (~)

In despite of all the bad critics about it, I loved the movie. How could I not fell in love with a story where time were no capable of bounding their love? Where one didn't need the other at all, ( actually, their relationship was the most painfull and full of distance) and they'd probably be better if they've not met, buuut, they'd rather die not being together? And even tough sometimes they couldn't be together because he vanished in the air, they got throw it all. Impossible not to fell for it. { Let's say it right away, I have a love of my life and I'v got only one, so you're the one. And our forever were interrupted and thjat's a shame. }

oo ~ ?

Listening Kate Perry's "Thinking of You" not intencionally (the car's radio was turned on) suddenly reminded me all that guilt, the weight from my drawing and everything...doens't matter.

What I really came to write was something about endlessness. I never liked forever, nothing without an end pleased me. I'm terrified of it. But, when I was with the one I considered the love of my life, I forgot it, I wanted infinity, all I wanted was it. I took long figuring it out, we we're trying for the third time being together, I was insecure, I didn't want to get again and after a couple weeks, I was completely given, my essence was not only mine anymore. Hurt again. How pathetic is that? I couldn't accept heaven that should be wonderful forever but I could do it with a love that ended in six months.

Love is not a competition, but I'm loosing

There's been a while I don't write here. I've been a full time boyfriend for long and that wouldn't be a problem if I still were one. But, I should be ready for this, I tried to keep me steady, but my efforts were worthless after all. Now I see His world completely built up, only hiding behide a courtain to show up in my first lack of presence, a place where you smile, with alcohol or not, being with your friends. A plce I had once, destroyed for my own choices.
There are those who still miss me, those who asks for my friendship even past everything I've done. True. But I have, I need to build a new world, I'ts hard I must warn, being not self confident is a higly NOT recomended quality for those who want it. HThe gym is helping quite a lot, I've got no time waasted in my misleading mind during my afternoons if I concentrate, taking more classes while I'm there, like Yoga, Pilates, Bike, Abs... not concerning of course the musculation. Physical pain plus the endorfin in my brain are almost a perfect placebo. I just feel sorry for the effect ending as fast as it can. I'm already meeting people there that seems to like me the way I'm. When I'm out I see those who looks at me, smile in a different way. But I'm closed. And changes are needed right away. Not opening me for the world, getting everything I can with a distorced sense of emptyness being filled, no. Changes mean being enough for myself.

I'll rise in my own knees and then stand at my feet. I wish my best friend, even tough he don't want it, could support me. I feel sorry for my abscense pulling you down. But, if you prefer keep a safe distance from you poisonous garbage friend, I'll do it the same way, I'll just need more time.


I like this picture.

hi-FIVE

I can't say anything I haven't already said, but I will. Five months and all the beauty in the world, I love you my dearest swand sweetest man. The one who makes me miss more and more and love also more each day. ♥ oo ~

* Even to forget our month B-day we forget together.

New Moon

For the first time in moons I got to travel, something I really love. But this time, it wasn't that good, I missed you. And this book became my best decoy. Each word slowly driven to my mind while the wet days lasted. They seemed to have much more than twenty four hours, the same number of chapters, and I needed to keep reading for almost a week.

I discovered how to distract me when I couldn't talk to you or was sparing the book. The history helped me with the ideas, the unstopable rain, the frozen pool in front of my bedroom and the ocean a block from me. All strangely set. I must almost got pneumonia for not making any effort to keep me dry. I made good use of all this, mostly the sea I should say.

I was hearing your voice, talking to you - on the phone, not in my mind - and I said "I'll jump in the water", not exactly like the book - unfortunatelly - But still, I started to run, like my feet would untouch the sand while the rain drops tried to hit me, dropped what I carried, took of my scarf, my pants and my shirt off and felt the waves crashing above me while I was swallowed by the water, making my body shivered, dormant. I finished the book coming back home, couldn't barely wait to chat about it with you.

Turned out, you were there, right beside me, weren't you?

Love, A.

Past Weight

"Sometimes I still have doubts, some memories that come back and I should apology for sometimes crushing you, stomping you with the whole past weight, and as you said, forgiving is leave any ideas that the past could be different."

I'm sorry my love >< for being evil HSUHASUHSAU

That's the second one, wait for the next

You know that I love you xoxo

♥