Love is not a competition, but I'm loosing

There's been a while I don't write here. I've been a full time boyfriend for long and that wouldn't be a problem if I still were one. But, I should be ready for this, I tried to keep me steady, but my efforts were worthless after all. Now I see His world completely built up, only hiding behide a courtain to show up in my first lack of presence, a place where you smile, with alcohol or not, being with your friends. A plce I had once, destroyed for my own choices.
There are those who still miss me, those who asks for my friendship even past everything I've done. True. But I have, I need to build a new world, I'ts hard I must warn, being not self confident is a higly NOT recomended quality for those who want it. HThe gym is helping quite a lot, I've got no time waasted in my misleading mind during my afternoons if I concentrate, taking more classes while I'm there, like Yoga, Pilates, Bike, Abs... not concerning of course the musculation. Physical pain plus the endorfin in my brain are almost a perfect placebo. I just feel sorry for the effect ending as fast as it can. I'm already meeting people there that seems to like me the way I'm. When I'm out I see those who looks at me, smile in a different way. But I'm closed. And changes are needed right away. Not opening me for the world, getting everything I can with a distorced sense of emptyness being filled, no. Changes mean being enough for myself.

I'll rise in my own knees and then stand at my feet. I wish my best friend, even tough he don't want it, could support me. I feel sorry for my abscense pulling you down. But, if you prefer keep a safe distance from you poisonous garbage friend, I'll do it the same way, I'll just need more time.


I like this picture.